Letter Re: The Next Pandemic: Starvation in a Land of Plenty

Sir:
Seeing the discussion regarding the gentleman who loaned a flashlight and leaf blower to his ungrateful neighbors, I'd thought I'd share my method of loaning out items. First off, never loan out primary tools. I have three sets [that I've designated - mine [primary], for friends, and a lower quality set for loaning. If you've never borrowed from me before and I don't know your "borrowing character", then you get the cheap set of greasy, grimy tools or the flashlight with weak batteries. If you return them in the state that you borrowed them, you get to borrow them again sometime. If the tools come back cleaned and oiled and new batteries in the flashlight, your "borrowing character" had been elevated to trusted borrower and you may soon be ready for the set of tools reserved for friends. (Hint: When you borrow tools, always bring them back in a better state than when you took them.) If you do not return them, you will be reminded over and over of this fact and hopefully you will shamefully remember to return them. If you don't ever gain some character or have no shame, then stay outta my yard!
Also, people forget a couple of simple words: please and thank you. I don't have to loan you my tools. If you ask nicely, I may just think a bit more nicely of you. These words don't cost anything to use yet they reap huge benefits if used sincerely. - Matt B.